Thursday, April 3, 2008

Moment for Reflection

I have cause to pause and to consider.

I had a new "portfolio" added to my job all of a sudden last September. It really added a chunk to my day and I let it cause some stressful times all through the Fall and the run up to Winter. As of last night it didn't so much come to an end, as reach a form of completion. I mean, it's never really complete, always ongoing, but there is a sense of: this is the moment I was working towards, apart from the other responsibilities of my job.

So, without boring you with all the details, it's done. And it feels good. The feedback has been wonderful. Now I find my mind shooting in all directions. Do I continue with this path? Do I move on after many years with a company that has been so important to me? Do I stay and take on another interesting project (that is burbling in the background)?

I don't have the answer yet. I do know that I will shift the life-work balance. As I do that it makes me ponder the importance of my career. For someone who chose not to have children, it is a huge part of my life. I would venture to say that also for many women who choose to have children, their careers are often a huge part of their lives. I mean... we spend more waking hours with our work mates than we do with our families, for the most part. So what we do for work is something we'd better love. I do. I love my work. I enjoy my colleagues. I believe in what I do. Outside of official work, I have some volunteerism, my writing (one day to be published if I have anything to do with it, dagnabit), and other one-off projects.

But still my life outside of these interests is of paramount importance and it is still my own, and I guard it jealously. I love my friends and family, and how patient most of them were and supportive as I worked many long nights, and sent cheery messages of encouragement over the last few months.

I am still bothered by my vertigo and concomitant complications, but I believe that to be something that is either fading, or that I am getting used to (can't really tell which sometimes!) It hasn't affected my work too much, but all remaining energy has gone into dealing with it. The easing of that will make a big difference, as I relaunch myself on the unsuspecting city and all the cultural and vulgar attractions it has to offer.

Truly, I am in a blessed place. I can move on, stay where I am, kick back a bit, or take another challenge between my teeth. I have much to enjoy now, I have more to look forward to. Maybe another country? Another city? I have had a couple of interesting offers.

I shall see. In the meantime, I am going to pause, read my book on Buddhism, try not to think too much.

Yeah... we'll see how that works out. Hee hee. (Mmmmmm... thinking again.)

6 comments:

glamah16 said...

I find myself in similar situations. My partners not ready for kids although my clock screams NOW! In the meantime I have a exciting new position after being miserable for a long time.It will involve more travel and may put things on the back burner. I just seized the opp, and trusted my guts. If marriage and kids is in the works , it will happen when its supposed to. So your doing the right thing. It will all come together as its supposed to.

Betsy said...

What a wonderful decision you have! Good luck in making it....or waiting to make it! :)
You obviously have a gift of writing....I'm sure you will publish some day!

Blog Princess G said...

Glamah - I believe that too... things have a way of evolving in their own good time and in a way that fate decrees. Sometimes with a good push from us. :)

Betsy... thank you for these and all your lovely words. :)

Edward Hegstrom said...

Once I had the opportunity to write full-time when a friend of mine briefly edited a small-town newspaper. A staff position could have been mine, but t would have meant finding an interest in high-school sports and the like, and I didn't know if I could do it. My fear was that it would turn something I so dearly loved--writing--into the daily grind of just another job.

Sometimes I regret not taking that particular road, but I've always felt there's a reason for every choice we make.

willow said...

Priness,

You are fortunate to have the freedom to follow your heart. I hope the coming days will be a marvelous adventure for you. I'm excited to see where your "road in the yellow wood" might lead!

Blog Princess G said...

Thank you all for your comments.... as always wonderful to have your feedback. :)

Ed... you do write, but not for a small-town newspaper. Am I write?